so it's been about two weeks since i've written here. not much has happened really. i got a hair cut a week or so ago, but nobody really noticed; not that i went anywhere really for people to notice anyways. i finally got to see my two best friends on wednesday? or was it tuesday? i don't even remember anymore. [not being in school or having to keep track of the date for a job means all the days run together, especially since i'm up all night most nights.] so that was good to finally see them. and because sarah was leaving around this time on saturday so i got to see her for the last time for a while. she's probably at school getting settled in and whatnot right now, or maybe sleeping idk.

i feel so isolated. left out. hermit-like. no one really talks to me much anymore. and when they do, like on aim, it seems as if they're just talking to me because they're kind of bored. and then when something interesting happens to them or around them they say bye and that it was nice talking to me or whatever, sometimes not even that much, and then they leave. i love being by myself and being alone, but only as an escape from the company of others. i would go crazy if i was in jail or something.

summer really doesn't work for me. (i have to get a fucking job. like now. and actually mean it. =/) that's another reason why i love fall. the promise of seeing other people and getting back into a routine and schedules. *sigh* i feel pathetic. i hide in music and tv and movies so i don't have to deal with my own life. summer is supposed to be a fun time; to see friends, swim in pools or at beaches, getting a tan, just relaxing. to me summer is just a hassle. i rarely see my friends, i don't swim in pools or go to beaches, i get a farmers tan from landscaping and mowing the lawn, and even though i don't really have anything to do, it doesn't really feel relaxing. i'm always anxious and annoyed with myself that i don't have a job, or getting reprimanded by parents that i don't have a job.
i like winter more than summer, and i don't even really like snow! fall is my favorite time of the year. i love that i was born in the fall. jeans, a t-shirt, sneakers and possibly a hoodie thing is my ideal outfit. prefect for fall weather. i'd rather be cold or cool than hot, like it is in the stupid summer. i love being able to burn wood in the fireplace. i sort of wait for it all year. using the fireplace again. the fireplace is like me in the summer.. just sits there looking gloomy, waiting for fall and winter times in order to feel like it has a purpose.

i haven't been online as i usually am due to the fact that i don't have my laptop, for a while anyways. i had been trying to cut back on the amount of time i spend online anyways but not being able to be on at all kinda sucks.

 

this past month i've been reading a lot more and i've recently finished three books. i'm about half of the way through another book, but at least this one is interesting.

 

i can't wait for school to start. long for some social interaction. i've been on edge lately and i think it has something to do with the fact that i've been with my family non-stop this whole damn summer. i can't wait to drive to school with amby every day; always fun. but i wish i could have spent more time with my friends this summer. =/  maybe next summer will be better. who knows.

a lot can happen in a year.

i really am looking forward to this next year at mcc though. i actually feel like i'll enjoy it a lot more than interior design classes. while i did learn a lot from those classes, i am glad to be rid of randy, and a few of the other people in my classes. for some reason i don't feel as though there is as much pressure on me anymore school wise. there still is quite a bit though obviously. my dad still awaits the day when he can have vintage cars in the garage of the new house thomas and i have purchased for him, along with the cabin in the 1000 islands. and the only way he'll be getting these is if we 'do well in school, and get a good job and end up working for yourself one day.'

he'll be waiting a bit longer that he hopes i suspect.

 

i've been watching quite a bit of the olympic games. the opening ceremony was truely amazing. only in china could you get 2008 people to stand and perform in unison and making it look so good. the whole thing was really cool. and i was impressed by all of the things they fit into the opening program; a lot of it having symbols significant to the chinese people.

i've always wanted to travel though i've never really been a fan of huge planes, even before 9/11 and the security beff up. my brother, and my dad and i went up in a little private jet a few years ago and it was really cool. my dad's friend flys small planes and we were visiting him one time when they were testing out this private jet. my mom doesnt like flying really at all and was a little apprehnsive that we were going up in a plane they were still testing, but it turned out fine. we started in pennyan, where the small airport is, and flew what would be 2 hours by car, down towards wellsville, and then back out towards lake ontario. it was really cool. the plane was really nice too. i don't remember it very well but i do remember the bucket seats were really comfortable and there were low little window seats which we sat in to look out the small windows. i find it weird that things that are more exclusive like private planes and tour busses and limos, you never have to wear a seat belt. but in other vehicles of transportation you do. anyways, if i could travel anywhere and money wasn't a problem, i would stop in china and i would like to walk to great wall, if you're still allowed to do that. i'd also really like to go to holland and other small parts in and around europe. and i think new zealand would be a cool place to visit as well as alaska.

..this morning! woke up around 9ish and had to finish cleaning the carpets before the machine has to go back around noon. watched some tv. had some breakfast. and then got online.

i've really been cutting back on the amount of time i spend online. i've been trying to read more. since i still have a ton of books i haven't read yet.

i checked out the new format of facebook. it's kinda weird, but im sure i'll get used to it, though idk.

then randomly corey started talking to me on aim. which was pretty cool because usually i IMed him first. he's pretty cool. him and his friend matt made these rants on youtube and asked for suggestions to rant about and since i have no life, i came up with some and then in the third of fourth video rant, they did a little shout-out to me! lol so that was kinda cool.

i'm pretty excited about school starting again. i really am going to try and actually do the work this time. with interior design everything was so specific i didn't have time to take any other classes. so now with landscape architecture i have to take more 'ologies. i've already taken cultural anthropology, and i'll be taking sociology this next semester and then psychology in the spring. but i'm hoping that since i don't really have classes that are specifically for my major, i'll be able to do okay in them and meet some new people.

yesterday my family and i went to DSW and my brother and i got new sneakers. mine are pink, silver and then black on the bottom. adidas. i really like them. but then i think. =/ that's what i said about my other sneakers, and now i kinda hate them. *sigh* so hopefully i'll always like these new shoes like my older new balance ones, that i've had for about 4 or 5 years now and have worn a hole near the big toe in both of the shoes.

for some reason, randomly, time goes really really slow. i'll look at the clock and it says 10:30am. then i'll look again in a while and while it felt like it'd be 12 already it'd only be 11! that's how it was when i woke up this morning. my mom came in around 8 and told me to get up and finish cleaning. i laid there for such a long time it felt like. then i checked my phone and it was only 8:44! i thought i'd been sleeping again for two hours. but i guess i never really fell back to sleep all the way.

anyways. im pretty awake right now. it's kind of a cloudy gray day. but the sun is out a bit. i think i'll have macaroni and cheese for lunch here soon. i'm listening to random 30 seconds to mars songs. mmmm guess i'm done here. going to read a bit more in my book while i wait for water to boil.

I sat cross-legged on a table I once used as a nightstand. Now it was directly under the window. My nose pressed to the glass, I watched the lighting. Random flashes and fits of light lit up the sky. Not as if it were daytime. No. But a strange bluish glow, engulfing everything below. Not wanting to close my eyes or take long to blink, I watched for fear I'd miss seeing a strike somewhere in the distance. A fan hummed on the floor behind me, while I listened to classical piano songs. The CD player skipped when I moved my legs so as not to have them fall asleep. The window became foggy; hard to see through anymore. I thought, from my own breathing, but had not realized, since being so close to the window, rain drops had scattered across my view. I watched for a while, till the storm passed and lightning ceased.
Storms don't seem as bad at night.

it's 2:02am.
my body knows i should be sleeping. behind my ears and the back of my head starts hurting. it's weird.
i should have gotten up so much earlier this morning.
my dad was out killing wasps in the vent on the outside of the house this morning at around 8:30am. then left for work around 11.
i laid in bed telling my self i should get up and shower and get some food, yet i stayed in bed 3 hours longer than i should have.
made peanut butter toast and took the cats outside. read this booklet thing showing 'colorblend' flowers. had mostly tulips and daffodils, though a few others.
did some dishes.
online for a bit.
started making dinner. sloppy joes. cleaned and set table. unloaded and loaded dishwasher.
dad came home with things from bjs.
put those away then ate.
watched some nature show about sharks, then a bit of extreme makeover: home edition.
came up stairs and watched this new show that's on abc family. the only four episodes that they've had so far.
watched two little rants by this guy (i sort of know by association) and his friend, they posted on youtube. they were pretty funny.
now i'm here. typing this while listening to the music player i put on my myspace page.

thend.