so it's been about two weeks exactly since i last wrote.
school has started.
it's been pretty normal.
met a few new people.
professors have been pretty nice so far.
not too much homework yet.
lunch time have been the best parts.
it's good to have people you know to sit with.
right now i'm sitting in my room at 2:33am listening to rhett&link's songs on their website.
a lot of the ones they made just for cds i haven't heard before.
i'm also stupidly sitting here wanting to talk online..
but i shouldn't be up this late.
and i should have actually gotten something done today.
good thing it's sunday today.

i'm really bored.
uhhh. =/

..yet again. everything fucking sucks. im sitting here fucking crying. i don't even want to cry i just am.
see this is why i hate getting -excited- or wanting things to happen, because nothing ever fucking works out!!!
i am going to hate my birthday. as usual.

please, someone who is rich, die tomorrow, and leave me everything valuable you own. so i can leave and have a life of my own.


>=X

despite the fact that i will be starting school in 2 days, i am actually feeling quite good!! of course i'm nervous for the first day, but i really am pumped to be going back, and getting into a (hopefully) healthy routine with my sleeping patterns. lol though i'll probably still not get enough sleep.
my dad just gave me my cell phone back tonight, after having it been gone for about a month, not that anyone called me or that i really noticed it was gone after a while. but still, i am glad to have it back.
i was looking at my schedule for the first week of school, and since i don't start until wednesday, i only have to go two days, wednesday and friday. and friday, being my birthday, i have a three hour break in between the two classes i have that day!!! so i get to at least relax! hopefully in the gilman lounge and it not being too loud or crowded!!! so i hope this semester goes really well!! and everything works out well for amber too!!!!!
=]

the past week or so, i guess it's been, has been pretty good. i've surprisingly not been feeling too bad or depressed-ish. flattery is a wonderful thing, as well as flirting. lol yeahh.
my birthday is in a week. i'm happy i guess, but i'm not super excited or anything. i'm not even expecting things. if people are gonna get me stuff thats fine. whatever. but i'd be just as happy to know i'm a year older and have not had anything drastically horribly life changing happen to me. i have to go to school on my birthday anyways. plus it's not like i'm going to go out and party and shit. every day is someone's birthday and i don't get excited for all of them, i just treat it as if it's another normal day, and that is what i plan to do with my day of birth. =]

so it's been about two weeks since i've written here. not much has happened really. i got a hair cut a week or so ago, but nobody really noticed; not that i went anywhere really for people to notice anyways. i finally got to see my two best friends on wednesday? or was it tuesday? i don't even remember anymore. [not being in school or having to keep track of the date for a job means all the days run together, especially since i'm up all night most nights.] so that was good to finally see them. and because sarah was leaving around this time on saturday so i got to see her for the last time for a while. she's probably at school getting settled in and whatnot right now, or maybe sleeping idk.

i feel so isolated. left out. hermit-like. no one really talks to me much anymore. and when they do, like on aim, it seems as if they're just talking to me because they're kind of bored. and then when something interesting happens to them or around them they say bye and that it was nice talking to me or whatever, sometimes not even that much, and then they leave. i love being by myself and being alone, but only as an escape from the company of others. i would go crazy if i was in jail or something.

summer really doesn't work for me. (i have to get a fucking job. like now. and actually mean it. =/) that's another reason why i love fall. the promise of seeing other people and getting back into a routine and schedules. *sigh* i feel pathetic. i hide in music and tv and movies so i don't have to deal with my own life. summer is supposed to be a fun time; to see friends, swim in pools or at beaches, getting a tan, just relaxing. to me summer is just a hassle. i rarely see my friends, i don't swim in pools or go to beaches, i get a farmers tan from landscaping and mowing the lawn, and even though i don't really have anything to do, it doesn't really feel relaxing. i'm always anxious and annoyed with myself that i don't have a job, or getting reprimanded by parents that i don't have a job.
i like winter more than summer, and i don't even really like snow! fall is my favorite time of the year. i love that i was born in the fall. jeans, a t-shirt, sneakers and possibly a hoodie thing is my ideal outfit. prefect for fall weather. i'd rather be cold or cool than hot, like it is in the stupid summer. i love being able to burn wood in the fireplace. i sort of wait for it all year. using the fireplace again. the fireplace is like me in the summer.. just sits there looking gloomy, waiting for fall and winter times in order to feel like it has a purpose.